CCBR Business Review

22 A POPULAR AIRLINE recently intro- duced a special half rate fare for wives who accompanied their husbands on business trips. Expecting great feedback, the compa- ny sent out letters to all the wives of busi- nessmen who had used the special rates, asking how they enjoyed their trip. Letters are still pouring in asking, “What trip?” A person turns on the computer without a keyboard plugged in. When the computer finds out that there is no keyboard attached it gives a “Keyboard Error” message. She then asks “Why did it give me a key- board error? There isn’t even a keyboard attached? It was the day of the big sale. Rumours of the sale and some advertising in the local paper were the main reason for the long line that formed by 8:30 in the morning in front of the store. A small man pushed his way to the front of the line, only to be pushed back, amid loud and colourful curses. On the man’s second attempt, he was punched square in the jaw, and knocked around a bit, and then thrown to the end of the line again. As he got up the second time, he said to the person at the end of the line, “That does it! If they hit me one more time, I don’t open the damn store!” A man went to apply for a job. After fill- ing out all of his applications, he waited anxiously for the outcome. The employer read all his applications and said, “We have an opening for people like you.” “Oh, great,” he said, “What is it?” “It’s called the door!” It was well known that a certain lake was very poor for fishing up north, but a fisher- ies inspector happened to notice that one guy kept coming home with his limit of fish on several occasions. He asked the fisherman: “How is it that you are catching fish out of that lake when no one else can?” “Well I am going back up there tomor- row, why don’t you come along?” he said. And, so the fisheries inspector did. They were in the boat when the fisherman reached over and lit a stick of dynamite and then tossed it overboard. BOOM!!! There were fish floating to the surface all over! The inspector freaked out, and said: “You can’t do that! That’s illegal!”The fisherman reached over and lit another stick and said: “Are you going to fish, or talk?” There was once a young man who, in his youth, professed his desire to become a great writer. When asked to define ‘great’, he said, “I want to write stuff that the whole world will read, stuff that people will react to on a truly emotional level, stuff that will make them scream, cry, howl in pain an anger”. He now works for Microsoft writing error messages. Reaching the end of a job interview, the Human Resources manager asked the young engineer fresh out of University, “And what starting salary were you looking for?” The engineer said, “In the neighbourhood of $100,000 a year, depending on the ben- efits package.” The HR manager said, “Well, what would you say to a package of 5 weeks vacation, 14 paid holidays, full medical and dental, company matching retirement fund to 50% of salary, and a company car leased every 2 years - say a red Corvette?” The engineer sat up straight and said, “Wow!!! Are you kidding?” Quote of the month A leader is best when people barely know he exists, not so good when people obey and acclaim him, worse when they despise him.... But of a good leader who talks little when his work is done, his aim fulfilled, they will say, “We did it ourselves”. And the HR manager said, “Certainly, ...but you started it.” Fresh out of business school, the young man answered a want ad for an account- ant. Now he was being interviewed by a highly agitated, arrogant little man who ran a small business that he had started from scratch. “I need someone with an accounting degree,” the man said. “But mainly, I’m looking for someone to do my worrying for me.” “How’s that?” the would-be accountant asked. “I worry about a lot of things,” the man said. “But I don’t want to have to worry about money. Your job will be to take all the money worries off my back.” “I see,” the accountant said. “And how much will my position pay?” “I’ll start you at eighty five thousand,” responded the owner decisively. “Eighty five thousand dollars!” the accountant exclaimed. “How can such a small business afford a sum like that?” “That,” the owner said, “is your first worry. Now get to work!” F U N N Y B U S I N E S S Lao Tzu Is your advertising unattractive? When it comes to getting the attention of your target market, Graphic by Design knows what works and what doesn’t. We’ve been making businesses eye- catching for nearly 30 years both locally and nationally. If your advertising is leaving you feeling a little lonely, email Jeff McGarn at design@gbd.com.au GRAPHIC BY DESIGN .COM.AU suite 3.26 platinum building, 4 ilya avenue, erina • 02 4365 6777 CENTRAL COAST BUSINESS REVIEW APRIL 2018