CCBR Business Review

22 AN AIRLINER WAS having engine trouble, and the pilot instructed the cabin crew to have the passengers take their seats and get prepared for an emergency landing. A few minutes later, the pilot asked the flight attendants if everyone was buckled in and ready. “All set back here, Captain,” came the reply, “except the lawyers are still going around passing out business cards.” Did you hear about the banker who was recently arrested for embezzling $100,000 to pay for his daughter’s college education? As the policeman, who also had a daugh- ter in college, was leading him away in handcuffs, he said to the banker, “I have just one question for you. Where were you going to get the rest of the money?” A minister told his congregation, “Next week I plan to preach about the sin of lying. To help you understand my sermon, I want you all to read Mark 17.” The following Sunday, as he prepared to deliver his sermon, the minister asked for a show of hands. He wanted to know how many had read Mark 17. Every hand went up. The minister smiled and said, “Mark has only 16 chapters. I will now proceed with my sermon on the sin of lying.” An accountant applies for the position of Chief Financial Officer. There are a number of candidates and he is called in for an interview. They ask him a number of ques- tions and one of the panel suddenly says “What is nine multiplied by four?” He thinks quickly and says “Thirty five.” When the interview is over he goes outside, takes out his calculator and finds the cor- rect answer is not thirty five. He thinks “Well, I blew that” and goes home very disap- pointed. Next day he is rung up and told he has got the job. “Wonderful,” he says, “but what about nine multiplied by four? My answer wasn’t right” “We know, but of all the candidates you came the closest.” A very successful businessman had a meeting with his new son-in-law. “I love my daughter, and now I welcome you into the family,” said the man. “To show you how much we care for you, I’m making you a 50-50 partner in my business. All you have to do is go to the factory every day and learn the operations.” The son-in-law interrupted, “I hate facto- ries. I can’t stand the noise.” “I see,” replied the father-in-law. “Well, then you’ll work in the office and take charge of some of the operations.” “I hate office work,” said the son-on-law. “I can’t stand being stuck behind a desk all day.” “Wait a minute,” said the father-in-law. “I just made you half-owner of a moneymak- ing organization, but you don’t like factories and won’t work in a office. What am I going to do with you?” “Easy,” said the young man. “Buy me out.” A butcher who had had a particularly good day, proudly flipped his leg of lamb Quote of the month A consensus means that everyone agrees to say collectively what no one believes individually. Abba Eban on a scale and weighed it. “That will be $16.35,” he told the customer. “That really is a little too small,” said the woman. “Don’t you have anything larger?” Hesitating, but thinking fast, he returned the leg of lamb to the refrigerator, paused a moment, then took the same one out again. “This one,” he said faintly,” will be $19.65.” The woman paused for a moment, then made her decision. “I know what,” she said, “I’ll take both of them!” Barty was trapped in a bog and seemed a goner when Big Mick O’Reilly wandered by. “Help!” Barty shouted, “Oi’m sinkin’!” Don’t worry,” assured Mick. “Next to the Strong Muldoon, Oi’m the strongest man in Erin, and Oi’ll pull ye right out o’ there.” Mick leaned out and grabbed Barty’s hand and pulled and pulled to no avail. After two more unsuccessful attempts, Mick said to Barty, “Shure, an’ Oi can’t do it. The Strong Muldoon could do it alone, mebbe, but Oi’ll have to get some help.” As Mick was leaving, Barty called “Mick! Mick! D’ye think it will help if Oi pull me feet out of the stirrups? F U N N Y B U S I N E S S Is your advertising unattractive? When it comes to getting the attention of your target market, Graphic by Design knows what works and what doesn’t. We’ve been making businesses eye-catching for nearly 30 years both locally and nationally. If your advertising is leaving you feeling a little lonely, email Je McGarn at design@gbd.com.au GRAPHIC BY DESIGN .COM.AU suite 3.26 platinum building, 4 ilya avenue, erina • 02 4365 6777 CENTRAL COAST BUSINESS REVIEW FEBRUARY 2018