The Little Blue Book

5. BE CLEAR WITH YOUR BOUNDARIES This can be hard, setting boundaries: defining the invisible ‘soft barriers’ between ourselves and others, defining the boundaries in friendships and work relationships, defining the behaviours we’ll accept and the ones we won’t. Many of our boundaries come from our childhood; they were our psychological defences against things that made us uncomfortable. But building self-respect, personal dignity and assertiveness is about boundaries and being prepared to insist upon them. Some boundaries are easily defined and maintained: like refusing to break the law, refusing to compromise on your moral values, refusing to tolerate racist, sexist or discriminatory behaviour, or refusing to tolerate harassment or abuse. However, because we often work and interact with people in diverse environments with different attitudes, other boundaries can be harder to maintain. And, sometimes, wittingly or unwittingly, the behaviours of others can cross our boundaries and leave us feeling we’re being taken advantage of, or disrespected, or being objectified, or our feelings and values ignored. But you don’t need to accept behaviours that make you uncomfortable. If it doesn’t feel right for you, it’s not right. So, if ‘a line is crossed’, let the person know quietly but firmly that you do not accept their behaviour. It can sometimes take courage, but setting healthy boundaries and ensuring that they are respected strengthens our mental health and resilience, enhances personal dignity and sense of being, and builds happiness and fulfilment (as well as having a positive impact on workplace culture). Defining the boundaries in friendships and work relationships can take courage. But setting healthy boundaries enhances personal dignity and builds happiness and fulfillment. RECOGNISING DEPRESSION, ANXIETY, AND OTHER DISORDERS 118