The Little Blue Book

RESILIENCE AND POSITIVITY Resilience then – that ability to ‘bend like the grass’, adapt and recover – comes from a positive frame of mind. But no-one expects to be happy ‘all of the time’, that’s not the way our lives work (and not the way the world works). To be human is to feel “the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune”; to experience in uneven and sometimes random measure sorrow and joy, hurt and happiness. The fact is that none of us go through our lives without setbacks and occasional hardship. But it is how we deal with them and our ability to adapt and respond that is the test of our emotional resilience. Some people are naturally more positive, and naturally more resilient. You know of them; you may have read about them. Like those rare people who can emerge unscathed from traumatic and truly terrible experiences – like the endurance of some prisoners of war, or frontline workers or others who have survived disaster or other life-threatening experiences seemingly unaffected. These people, these extreme examples of the power of will and positive thinking, seem unusually buoyed by an ability to accept, to rationalise, to parcel the experience, and to move forward with their lives. They carry something, a ‘force-field’ around their psychological health, that enables them to recover from negative emotions and the negative thoughts attached to the experience. While others of seemingly similar temperament and balance can struggle to shake the mental scarring of such ordeals. What is it that protects one, but is absent in the other? The fact is, some of us are more naturally optimistic, more inclined and able to focus on the ‘upsides’ of an experience, and less troubled by the downsides. These same people commonly may be less-inclined to negative thoughts and anxious feelings. So, what’s their secret? Much about our disposition comes from the imprint of our genes; some of us are born more naturally resilient. Much also comes from the experiences of our lives. The quality and security of our upbringing – feeling love, connection, stability, purpose, good humour, recognition, all of those things that we might strive to give our children as a parent – has a direct bearing and influence on our psychological health and resilience as adults. So to, poor parenting and the level and persistence of exposure as children to adverse experiences – like violence, emotional and physical neglect, abuse, humiliation, etc. – can do lasting damage to mental health and psychological resilience. 1 People who are naturally highly resilient commonly display personality and character traits that strengthen their emotional health (with an elevated interest in exercise, eating well and living well). Many are by nature optimistic and thrive on new experiences. This optimism seeds positive thinking and emotionality through a leaning to humour, zest for life, and simple gratitude. 20 Towards Resilience - The Power of Positivity