22 The doctor says, “Larry, everything looks great. How are you doing mentally and emotionally? Are you at peace with God?” Larry replies, “God and I are tight. He knows I have poor eyesight, so He’s fixed it so when I get up in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom, poof! The light goes on. When I’m done, poof! The light goes off.”Wow, that’s incredible,” the doctor says. A little later in the day, the doctor calls Larry’s wife. “Bonnie,” he says, “Larry is doing fine! But I had to call you because I’m in awe of his relationship with God. Is it true that he gets up during the night, and poof, the light goes on in the bathroom, and when he’s done, poof, the light goes off?” “Oh, no,” exclaims Bonnie. “He’s peeing in the refrigerator again!” A man walks into a library and asks the librarian for books about paranoia. She whispers, “They’re right behind you!” A poodle and a collie are walking together when the poodle suddenly unloads on his friend. “My life is a mess,” he says. “My owner is mean, my girlfriend ran away with a schnauzer, and I’m as jittery as a cat.”“Why don’t you go see a psychiatrist?” suggests the collie. “I can’t,” says the poodle. “I’m not allowed on the couch.” A man was being sold a very cheap suit. “But the left arm is a lot longer than the right arm,” he complained. “That’s why the suit is such a bargain,” the sales clerk explained. “Just cock your left shoulder up a little, like this, and tuck this left lapel under your chin a bit, like this.”“But the right leg is way too short,” argued the customer. “No problem,” the sales clerk answered. “Just keep your right knee bent a little at all times, walk like this, and no one will notice. That’s why this suit is only thirty dollars.” Finally, the fellow bought the suit, cocked his left shoulder into the air, tucked the suit’s left lapel under his chin, bent his right knee, and limped out of the store toward his car. Two doctors happened along and noticed him. “Good heavens,” the first doctor said to the second, “look at that poor crippled fellow.” “Yeah,” answered the second doctor. “But doesn’t that suit fit great?” A Canadian park ranger is giving some ramblers a warning about bears, “Brown bears are usually harmless. They avoid contact with humans so we suggest you attach small bells to your rucksacks and give the bears time to get out of your way. However, grizzly bears are extremely dangerous . If you see any grizzly-bear droppings leave the area immediately.” “So how do we know if they’re grizzly bear droppings?” asks one of the ramblers. “It’s easy,” replies the ranger. “They’re full of small bells. Taking his seat in his chambers, the smart, honest Judge faced the opposing lawyers. “So”, the Judge said, “I have been presented, by both of you, with a bribe.” Both lawyers became uncomfortable. “You, attorney David, gave me $50,000 and you, attorney Goliath, gave me $60,000. The judge now reached into his pocket and pulled out $10,000. He handed it to attorQuote of the month “No country is ever successful in the long term without a really strong and vibrant manufacturing base.” Alan Mulally FUNNY BUSINESS Or social media campaign? We have been supporting small business with digital solutions since the 80s. We deliver stunning design and marketing know-how to connect you with your next client. Whether you need a simple website to a full marketing campaign, make your next call Graphic By Design. Need a new website? MARKETING / BRAND / PRINT / DIGITAL+WEB 02 4365 6777 graphicbydesign.com.au ney Goliath and said “Now that I’m returning $10,000 we’re going to decide this case solely on its merits.” I was reversing my car in the garage and asked my son to spot me and let me know when I hit the wall. I heard a bang. “3:45 PM”, he said. Why do I always feel great on Saturday and Sunday and sick on all the other days? Maybe I just have a weekend immune system. It takes me five minutes to walk from my house to the pub. But it takes me 35 minutes to walk from the pub to my house. The difference is staggering. A young executive was leaving the office late one evening when he found the CEO standing in front of a shredder with a piece of paper in his hand. “Listen,” said the CEO, “this is a very sensitive and important document here, and my secretary has gone for the night. Can you make this thing work?”“Certainly,” said the young executive. He turned the machine on, inserted the paper, and pressed the start button. “Excellent, excellent!” said the CEO as his paper disappeared inside the machine. “I just need one copy.” CENTRAL COAST BUSINESS REVIEW SEPTEMBER 2023
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