remember all the nails. I remember coming round and what that felt like. But there are no words. D was on the right-hand side of J. I was on J’s left. Details! J looked dead already. ‘Dirt’ and his mates were standing close by, yelling all sorts of abuse at him. We were just window dressing to them. They couldn’t have cared less, those ‘representatives’ of ours. Our ‘leaders’. Anyway, they’re having a go at J, and telling him to get down from the tree if he was so important and had a special relationship with God. They laughed. I don’t know what sort of person can laugh while they’re looking at three fellow human beings dying, but they seemed to have no trouble. And they were doing it with J’s mum and her friends standing right near them. They didn’t care. Even the religious ones. That’s when I really felt the hate kick in. The rage. So, I started shouting back. I must have been impressive. Maybe my comments on their parentage were too close to the truth. Or maybe an incoherent man screaming his life out at you as he dies is a bit unsettling. But they left. Then I started on the guards. One of the guards smacked his gun into my shin. An icing of pain on a big pain cake. I shut up because I couldn’t speak for a bit. D looked at me and shook his head. J looked up, and he said, “Forgive them, Father, for they don’t know what they’re doing”. “They don’t know what they’re doing?” I shouted at him; shock having given me back my voice. “Do you know what you’re doing, mate? ’Cos if you do, get us down from here, eh? If you’re best mates with God, why not? Can’t be that hard, can it? Can it? Do something. My mate’s dying. I’m dying. You’re dying. If you’ve got something you’re holding back, this’d be a good moment to get it out of your tool kit!” J dropped his head again. D lifted his. “G! Show some bloody respect. You know why we’re here. We helped kill that bloke. Whether or not we meant to, we were part of it. We’re here because we deserve to be. But not him. You know that!” That was typical of D, dying and still hassling me to mind my manners! 105
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