CCBR Business Review

22 WHAT DID THE digital clock say to the analog clock? Look, No hands! A biology teacher wished to demonstrate to his students the harmful effects of alco- hol on living organisms.  For his experiment, he showed them a beaker with pond water in which there was a thriving civilization of worms. When he added some alcohol into the beaker the worms doubled-up and died. “Now,”he said,“what do you learn from this?” An eager student gave his answer. “Well the answer is obvious,” he said “if you drink alcohol, you’ll never have worms.” It was the end of the school year, and a kindergarten teacher was receiving gifts from her pupils. The florist’s son handed her a gift. She shook it, held it overhead, and said, “I bet I know what it is. Flowers.” “That’s right!” the boy said, “But, how did you know?”“Oh, just a wild guess,” she said.   The next pupil was the sweet shop owner’s daughter. The teacher held her gift over- head, shook it, and said, “I bet I can guess what it is. A box of sweets.”  “That’s right, but how did you know?” asked the girl. “Oh, just a wild guess,” said the teacher. The next gift was from the son of the liquor storeowner. The teacher held he package overhead, but it was leaking. She touched a drop of the leakage with her finger and put it to her tongue. “Is it wine?” she asked. “No,” the boy replied, with some excitement. The teacher repeated the process, tasting a larger drop of the leakage. “Is it champagne?” she asked. “No,” the boy replied, with more excite- ment. The teacher took one more big taste before declaring, “I give up, what is it?”With great glee, the boy replied, “It’s a puppy! SURPRISE!” A jet ran into some turbulent weather. To keep the passengers calm the flight attend- ants brought out the beverage carts. “I’d like a soda,” said a passenger in the first row. Moving along, the attendant asked the man behind her if he would like something. “Yes, I would,” he replied. “Give me whatever the pilot has been drinking!” Through the pitch-black night, the captain sees a light dead ahead on a col- lision course with his ship. He sends a signal:“Change your course 10 degree east.” The light signals back: “Change yours, 10 degrees west.” Angry, the captain sends: “I’m a navy captain! Change your course, sir!” “I’m a seaman, second class,” comes the reply. “Change your course, sir.” Now the captain is furious. “I’m a battleship! I’m not changing course!”There is one last reply. “I’m a lighthouse. Your call.” Isn’t it strange how drivers who go slower than you are idiots, and those that go faster are maniacs? An ill business owner was discussing with his lawyer a final draft of his last will and testament. “Well,” as he was discussing with his lawyer, “I want to put in a clause for my employees. To those that have worked for me for 20 years or longer I want to give and bequeath the amount of $50,000.” His Lawyer reminded him that he has Quote of the month “I hire people brighter than me and then I get out of their way.” Lee Iacocca not been in business 20 years. The business owner replied, “I know, but it’s going to be great advertising!” A software manager, a hardware man- ager, and a marketing manager are driving to a meeting when a tyre blows. They get out of the car and look at the problem. The software manager says, “I can’t do any- thing about this - it’s a hardware problem.” The hardware manager says, “Maybe if we turned the car off and on again, it would fix itself.” The marketing manager says, “Hey, 75% of it is working - let’s ship it!” All my husband wanted was to pay for some batteries, but none of the clerks in the electronics store seemed interested in helping him. “I’ve got an idea,” I said and pulled a tape measure out of my purse. I stepped over to one of the giant plasma-screen TVs and started to measure it. Faster than you can say high definition, a young man came running over. “May I help you?” he asked breathlessly. “Yes,” I said. “I’d like to buy these batteries.” F U N N Y B U S I N E S S Are you here? We know the way through the maze GRAPHIC DESIGN LOGOS & BRANDING WEB DEVELOPMENT ADVERTISING PHOTO/VIDEOGRAPHY MARKETING & PR 02 4365 6777 CENTRAL COAST BUSINESS REVIEW FEBRUARY 2021