23 A businessman on his deathbed called his friend and said, “Bill, I want you to promise me that when I die you will have me cremated.” “And what,” his friend asked, “do you want me to do with your ashes?” The businessman said, “Just put them in an envelope and mail them to the Tax Office. Write on the envelope, “Now, you have everything.” A school teacher was asking students what their parents did for a living. “Tim, you be first. What does your mother do all day?” Tim stood up and proudly said, “She’s a doctor.” “That’s wonderful. How about you, Amy?” Amy shyly stood up, scuffed her feet and said, “My father is a postman.” “Thank you, Amy” said the teacher. “What does your parent do, Billy?” Billy proudly stood up and announced, “Nothing. He’s an economist.” Three old ladies are sitting in a diner, chatting about various things. One lady says, “You know, I’m getting really forgetful. This morning, I was standing at the top of the stairs, and I couldn’t remember whether I had just come up or was about to go down.” The second lady says, “You think that’s bad? The other day, I was sitting on the edge of my bed, and I couldn’t remember whether I was going to bed or had just woken up!” The third lady smiles smugly. “Well, my memory is just as good as it’s always been, knock on wood.” She raps the table. With a startled look on her face, she asks, “Who’s there?!” Two drunks stand on a cliff with their arms outstretched. One has some budgies lined up on each arm, the other has parrots lined up on his arms. After a couple of minutes, they both leap off the cliff and fall to the ground. Lying next to each other in intensive care at the hospital, one drunk says to the other, “I don’t think much of this budgie jumping.” The other drunk replies, “Yeah, I’m not too keen on this paragliding either.” A soldier serving overseas was annoyed and upset when his girl wrote breaking off their engagement and asking for her photograph back. Quote of the month “Know thy enemy and know thy self; In a hundred battles you will never be in peril.” Sun Tzu So he went out and collected all his friends’ unwanted photographs of women, bundled them all together and sent them back with a note saying, “I regret to inform you that I cannot remember which one is you – please keep your photo and return the others.” For the first time in many years an old man traveled from his country town property to the city to attend a movie. After buying his ticket, he stopped at the concession stand to purchase some popcorn. Handing the attendant $5.50, he couldn’t help but comment, “The last time I came to the movies, popcorn was only 15 cents.” “Well, sir,” the attendant replied with a grin, “You’re really going to enjoy yourself. We have sound now.” CALL JASON ON 02 4324 5577 | A 334 Mann St, Gosford NSW 2250 | E gosford@roadsmartfleet.com.au Unlock peak fleet performance WITH ROADSMART FLEET–GOSFORD Expert passenger fleet services • Tailored vehicle servicing packages. • Proactive maintenance schedules. • Minimise downturn, maximise productivity. Truck tyre fleet maintenance • Specialised commercial Tyre maintenance. • 24/7 emergency breakdown support. • Product optimisation tailored to your needs. At Roadsmart Fleet - Gosford, we partner with you to give a unique customer experience on a Fleet Management level. We are experts in our field and are trusted by local and nationally recognised brands. FUNNY BUSINESS CENTRAL COAST BUSINESS REVIEW SEPTEMBER 2024
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