The Little Blue Book

ABOUT ANGER UNCONTROLLED ANGER, COERCIVE CONTROL Uncontrolled anger, and the chaos and fear that is generated around it, is very dangerous. The terrible injuries inflicted on women by angry men, street attacks that kill, the coward’s punch, and the injuries and emotional scarring on children exposed to uncontrolled anger is not something any society can tolerate. Intimate partner violence, domestic violence, family violence - call it what you will - is never OK. Behind it, and driving it, is coercive control, entitlement, toxic masculinity, aggression and maladjustment. If that’s you, if you’ve got a problem with aggression and anger, you will likely be well-aware of it. It has probably been with you since childhood and may sometimes frighten you for its intensity, for what you can do when in a rage, and for the damage it does to those around you. The problem with uncontrolled anger is that it is always chaotic – cognition and moderation fly out the window and it can spear in any direction. It is so often destructive and so often damaging to those it touches. Anger is corrupting. If not controlled, it eats away at the personality and sits like an ugly dog in the corner, always there, always waiting to bite. Uncontrolled anger is, at the root of it, failure – a disproportionate overreaction to the event that triggered the response (the adult with the tantrum-fuelled emotional control of the two-year old). And it can be lethal. Too many women are terribly injured or lose their lives to the violence of coercive control, obsessive thinking and the uncontrolled rage of angry men. Getting irritated from time to time - expressing a little ill-temper when tired or frustrated or hurt – is normal. We all do it. Things do ‘get under our skin’; sometimes even our loved ones can do things that irk us, can make us angry. “I am not happy about this; it hurts me and makes me angry when you act this way” – who hasn’t said that (or similar words)? But mismanaged anger, explosive rage and aggression, and the conflict and violence that can accompany it, can have severe consequences on the home (and at work and in the street). It can also have severe consequences for the safety and wellbeing of loved ones and children. COVID-19: The Challenge 50