True Beauty Amanda, you will no doubt encounter people who will tell you that you are being prudish. The word comes from the French “prudefemme” which means an excellent woman, one who is wise and prudent in her words and actions. It is therefore virtually synonymous with modesty, and modesty is not prudery in the modern sense, but prudence in the sense that true wisdom presides over the choice of clothing. The meaning of the word has evolved, of course, as words do. Today prudishness or prudery is used as a scarecrow for modest women, turning them to ridicule. A “prudish” woman nowadays is one who wants every woman to wear a formless dress going all the way down to the ankles and wrists and with a collar up to the chin. Sadly, many Catholic women have a morbid fear of ridicule, and yet ridicule is often the last resort of persons who have no real arguments. When you are faced with that, Amanda, you need to stand your ground and, if you sense there is a real desire for dialogue, initiate them to the true meaning of Christian modesty, which is not prudery, but an instinct that is both natural and supernatural, one that can save us from ourselves and our disordered passions. Modest attire also has the priceless benefit of giving women the strength to present themselves as persons, not as objects, and therefore protects them from exploitation. Did you know that at most university health centres, the top two prescribed drugs are anti-depressants and contraceptives?25 It seems clear that the sexual promiscuity of our day does not lead to freedom but to enslavement, and consequently, to depression. You do not want to go that path. A woman wants to be loved as a person, not lusted after like a piece of meat. If she is treated like the latter, it can only pull her down psychologically. And if she exhibits her body by dressing immodestly, she is setting herself up for precisely that. Modesty has the singular advantage of stressing your natural beauty without the disadvantage of making you an object of lust. You ask how you will ever find a husband if you dress modestly. I have partially answered that in my previous letter, in which I made it clear that what attracts a man to you must be primarily your person, not your body. If you are to be married, you must one day find a good man. By good man, I of course mean one who is virtuous and hard-working, one who will be faithful to you and be a good, strong father to your children. His looks matter little. And the same goes for you. If you really love those children to whom you may one day give birth and 61
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