air, like the world was ending or beginning or flipping on its head. He tapped the tank, “Everyone who drinks of this water will be thirsty again, but those who drink of the water that I will give them will never be thirsty. The water that I will give will become in them a spring of water gushing up to eternal life.” I didn’t want to. I was scared, but I looked up and met his gaze and held it. I stared deep into his eyes. I don’t know how he did it, but in his eyes I saw things I’d forgotten, and felt things I’d imagined I’d never feel again. Lights went on behind his pupils, and I saw myself back in church as a kid, dreaming of a world that was peaceful and kind and in which I had a place and a future. I remembered believing that I would be welcome there. I remembered the feeling of being loved and accepted and valued. Things I hadn’t felt for longer than I wanted to remember. I saw myself laughing. I felt the goodness of being held by a person who didn’t want anything more than to hold me. I let stuff in that I’d been keeping out for too long. Then, the worst thing. I started to cry. I hadn’t cried for fifteen years. I was ashamed of myself. I’d sworn I’d never let anyone hurt me that badly again and I’d never give anyone the satisfaction of watching me weep. But I bawled that morning. Bawled as the sun rose. Bawled so loudly the Magpies stopped singing. Into the silence came a beating of wings, and a bloody great Cockatoo landed on the water tank – and he stared at me too. His crest was lit by the dawn light. A yellow flame, flickering like a neon sign. My face was covered in snot and tears. I dropped to my knees and pushed the gun away. The young bloke didn’t move. Just kept his eyes on me in a way that reminded me of how my mother had looked at me when I was really little. As if I was precious. He looked at me as if I was precious. He knelt in the dust with me. I said, “I don’t know who you are or what’s going on, but please, give me this water, so that I will never be thirsty or have to keep coming here for water.” I realised that it was in the midnight to dawn shift that I had been sipping at something that was just 60
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