keeping me alive but wasn’t ever going to restore me to a life worth living. “Please.” He held out his hand and helped me up. I picked up the rifle, walked inside and locked it away. Then he sat at the counter, looked at me again and said, ‘Go, call your husband, and come back.’ That broke the spell. Where the hell had that come from? I was rocked. I looked hard at him, but he hadn’t changed his expression. I still felt safe, so I just replied, ‘I have no husband.’ Which was part of the truth. Then the kicker came. As neutral as you like, but still a smack in the guts. He kept looking straight at me and continued, ‘You are right in saying, “I have no husband”; for you have had five husbands, and the one you have now is not your husband. Thanks for being honest with me.” All I could think was that he’s from the Welfare, or Centrelink, or some government agency, come to check on me. But I don’t tell any lies to government. I can’t afford to. I’ve had my payments cut off before and it’s no fun. I play a clean game with all my forms. I didn’t get it at all. How did he know that stuff? Because he was spot on. I’m not proud of it – but I’m not ashamed of it either. I’ve made my share of mistakes, but I needed out of all those marriages, or I wouldn’t be alive today – and I won’t be going there again. I’m done with the altar and promises that get broken and bones that get broken and eyes that get blackened. He’d touched the darkness I’d put away, and I didn’t like it. Not one bit. I felt like I was standing in the open with nowhere to hide. I felt seen, and I wasn’t sure that I wanted to be. Even by this bloke with the empty water bottle and a hole in his hat. It was then that lights went on in my brain, and my heart leapt. I remembered the God bit of what he’d said. And I remembered the stories of people – men and women – who God sent to set things right. The prophets they taught us about when we were kids. The mad ones 61
RkJQdWJsaXNoZXIy MTI3ODI1