Bereavement Information 41 South Eastern Sydney Local Health District Children’s understanding of death depends greatly on their age and stage of development. Toddlers and pre-school aged children Children in this age group may view death as a journey from one place to another, but they may not understand that death is final. Your child might ask whether they can visit the person who died and when the person is coming back. They might ask the same questions over and over. This is their way of trying to understand what has happened. Some children might regress in their development–for example, they might begin wetting the bed or want to sleep in your bed. Young children (6-10 years) At this age, children understand that death is the end of life, but they might believe that death can be prevented or that not everyone will die. They may deny the death has occurred, blame other people or themselves, or feel guilty for not “being good” to the dead person. You can help your school-age child by: • Letting them know that the death wasn’t their fault • Letting them see you are grieving too • Answering questions openly and honestly–for example, if your child asks whether you’ll die, you could say, ‘Yes, I’ll die one day. Everyone dies, but it mostly happens when people are old or very sick’ • Suggesting a memorial activity–for example, planting a tree, writing a letter or drawing a picture. Children and young people 11 years and above Like adults, they will have difficulty understanding and managing their emotions and may not express their feelings, preferring to keep them inside. Sharing our grief will assist young people in sharing their emotions. Involve the young person in decisions or ask for contributions if they choose to share. If they don’t share their feelings with you, it may help to let others in their life know, such as a sports coach, friend’s parents, or teachers. Children’s Understanding of Death
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