I hiccup. I’m laying horizontal and my head is hanging off the side of my bed – my whole apartment is upside down. There’s crumbs strewn across the floor and it looks as if they were stuck to the ceiling. Fuck. The hiccups smell like rice cakes, peanut butter, and vomit. My stomach hurts and I feel pathetic. I wonder why I keep doing this. It was one thing when I was sixteen, shoplifting snacks from Ritchies and hiding them in my room. You’re twenty, Jia. Get a hold of yourself. I bring myself to get up and accept reality. I look at myself in the mirror and I look pregnant. My belly is round and taut, and I can picture a small, wet creature growing inside of me. I pull my shirt down and slide on my University hoodie. It’s only april and I hate to be a walking advertisement, but I have a test for bio today and I can’t miss it but I can’t let anyone see me. On the tram I try to listen to music but I really don’t feel like it. Instead I start writing a story in my head about this kid named Marco, who is secretly a werewolf. He discovered this in primary school, when he started waking up in the mornings covered in blood. He’d wash the stains off before his parents got up, desperate not to let them know about it. He’s in eleventh grade now, and- I’m interrupted by a text: Mum: Heard you have test today. We are thinking of you. Amelie and Vishal are already at the exam venue and are waiting outside. Amelie: what is up??? Me: I am so fucking tired. Amelie: sameee i have like no energy Vishal: Me when- me when my mitochondria aren’t producing enough ATP? :) Amelie: oh my god. thats not even a good one. dude The two continue revising Vishal’s flash cards and I just lean against a desk and stare at the wall. I wrap my arms around my belly. I try to breathe, only to hiccup again. I squeeze my eyes tight and wish in this moment I didn’t exist. Marco has an idea. While on his way home to school, he buys some zip ties and his plan is to handcuff himself to his bed frame. That way he won’t get out and hurt anyone. It’s uncomfortable for sure, but he eventually falls asleep, for once not dreading the prospect of waking up. The next morning, the zip ties are broken and he’s covered in blood. Get a hold of yourself. I’m stuck on this MCQ about meiosis and I know I should know it. God, I’m pathetic. I remember the text from my mum and quietly wonder why I’m still doing this degree. Do I even want to go into medicine? I need to go into something. I need to do something with my life. Fuck. So now Marco is really bummed. He cleans up the sheets and goes to the bathroom to wash himself clean. He feels sick. He killed someone. He pokes at his stomach and imagines going to school with The Glutton, The Werewolf Content Warning: Binge Eating Disorder, Bulimia, Fatphobia A SHORT STORY BY DANI BRIAR 18
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