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Feature
26 | iNarrabri Magazine | December 2016
Keeping it
real
...
with Mike Rotch
‘Fans don’t want to hear about the problems,
they want winners and results. People don’t
want to hear about labour pains, they want to
see the baby.’
‘He who can, does, he who cannot, teaches.’
-
G.B.Shaw
‘We can’t all be winners, somebody has to sit
on the kerb and clap as they go by.’ -
M.Twain
‘Some parents spend $1,000 on child
psychologists to cure what other parents treat
with a 25 cent laxative.’
‘Be polite. Your family won’t mind if you
practise on them.’
‘When someone gets something for nothing
someone else gets nothing for someone’
-
Rudyard Kipling
‘Never go to a doctor whose office plants
have died.’ -
Erma Bombeck
‘I never lend books, for no one ever returns
them; the only books I have in my library are
books that other folks have lent me.’
- Anatole France (French novelist & essayist)
‘Vote for the man who promises least; he’ll be
the least disappointing.’
- Bernard Baruch
‘If it weren’t for the last minute, a lot of
things would never get done.’
‘It’s surprising how high some parents put
the crossbar for their kid – and how low they
want it for themselves.’
- Jack Gibson
‘Education will never become as expensive as
ignorance.’
- Dennis Waitley
‘You don’t want no pie in the sky when you
die; you want something here on the ground
while you’re still around.’
- Muhammed Ali
‘He was so ugly as a kid his parents tied pork
chops around his neck so the dog would play
with him.’
‘A man who has committed a mistake and
doesn’t correct it, is committing a second
one.’
‘It is never too late to be what you might have
been.’
- George Elliot
‘We sleep in separate rooms, we have dinner
apart, we take separate vacations – we’re
doing everything to keep our marriage
together.’
- Rodney Dangerfield
Notable & Quotable
Meanwhile, in Australia...
Epic Fail #347
By the Numbers
During your lifetime you will eat around
27,000
kilos of food.
The average eyelash lasts
5
months.
There are
20,000
living organisms in a glass
of water.
There is enough graphite in the average
pencil to draw a line
35
miles long
A full moon is
9
times brighter than a half
moon
100
is the number of times lightning strikes
the earth every second.
30 Rock - Best of Jack
Jack:
I do admire Willy Wonka. He’s a true
capitalist. His factory has zero government
regulations, slave labor, and an indoor boat.
Wonderful.
Jack:
‘‘Ambition is the willingness to kill the
things you love and eat them in order to
stay alive. Haven’t you ever read my throw
pillow?
Meme of the month...
Real Newspaper Headlines
All of the below have actually appeared in
various publications from around the world.
Some are the result of deadline pressure, some
are the result of reporting on the absurd and
others... are just editors goofing around!
“Diana was still alive hours before she died”
“Bugs flying around with wings are flying
bugs”
“Statistics show that teen pregnancy drops off
significantly after age 25”
“Federal agents raid gun shop, find
weapons”
“Marijuana issue sent to a joint committee”
“Homicide victims rarely talk to police”
“17 remain dead in morgue shooting spree”
“Worker suffers leg pain after crane drops
800 pound ball on his head”
“City unsure why sewer smells”
“Meeting on open meetings is closed”
“Man accused of killing lawyer receives a
new attorney”
“Miracle cure kills fifth victim”
“Barbershop singers bring joy to school for
deaf ”
“Hospitals resort to hiring doctors”
“Man with 8 DUIs blames drinking problem”
“New sick policy requires 2 days notice”
“Parents keep kids home to protest school
closure”