bounds of Christian modesty, as preference does not excuse sin. It does not mean she should dress immodestly because he likes it, for in that case she would be attractive for all men and not just for her husband, which is clearly reprehensible. St Thomas is referring to legitimate preferences in which a wife is commended for appearing attractive to her husband. So for example, if her husband prefers her hair to be styled in a certain way, or if he likes dresses of a certain cut or colour, or earrings of a certain kind, it is praiseworthy for the wife to please him in this.34 So Amanda, I hope I have sufficiently answered all your questions and any related ones that may have arisen. Before signing off, however, I would like to draw an important consequence from all this. Women who are given over to vanity and sensuality and who choose to dress immodestly, may imagine they are simply expressing themselves freely, when in reality they are slaves to the senses, always pandering to the exterior and forever remaining on the surface. These women, sadly, have no idea that there is another world of ineffable marvels that surpasses by far and cannot be compared to the world of the senses – the treasures of the spirit found in the interior life. The graces that are necessary to attain to these treasures are often only given by God when one makes a serious effort to live in a spirit of detachment from vain pleasures, and often the first step to be taken is modesty in dress and comportment, which does require a certain level of docility, sacrifice and mortification to please God. If only these women knew what they are missing when they immerse themselves in the flesh and thereby lose the treasures of the spirit! It reminds me of St Augustine who after years of searching for the Lord, finally realised that he was on the outside, while God was on the inside: “Late have I loved Thee, O Beauty ever ancient, ever new, late have I loved Thee! Thou wert within me, but I was outside and it was there that I searched for Thee… Thou wert with me, but I was not with Thee”.35 With that, Amanda, you have brief and concise guidelines to follow. If you observe them, you will be doing very well, you will be modest, you will please Our Lady very much, and you will bring much edification, peace and joy to the world. With my blessing as always, Your Father in Christ 68
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