South Eastern Sydney Local Health District Bereavement Information 38 For example, a child who is told that ‘Grandpa has gone to sleep forever’, may develop a fear of going to sleep, believing they may not wake up. Younger children may not have a concept of what it means when someone dies; we may need to describe death in terms they understand and explain that sadly, death does not go away, and the person cannot return. For example, ‘dying means that grandpa’s heart or body has stopped working and they are not breathing anymore’. If you feel uncertain about how to approach the conversation or talk about death with your child, you can practice with another adult first. You can plan what you will say and how you will answer your child’s questions. It also helps to think about what you might say if you don’t know the answer to your child’s questions. It’s okay to say something like, ‘I don’t know, but I will try to find out’. It may also be useful to check to see if a child has understood what has been said, by asking them to repeat this back to you. Cultural and Spiritual Beliefs People from various cultures and faiths hold different beliefs about what happens after a person dies. Some faiths believe in the dreamtime, or another kind of after-life (heaven, nirvana) and others may believe that we are re-born or reincarnated. Some families hold different beliefs entirely, for instance that we become stars in the night sky or simply return to earth to join the great circle of life. Often parents will wish to share their spiritual beliefs and cultural customs with their children. Your explanation of what occurs after death will be in keeping with your faith or spiritual beliefs. What might children feel when someone dies? Just like adults, every child or young person’s experience of grief is unique. Children’s reactions to death vary depending on their age and stage of development, relationship with the person who has died and any previous experiences of grief. Young children may act out, their behaviour might regress, or they may become more anxious following the death of someone close to them. Children can experience a range of feelings, including sadness, anxiety, longing, anger, numbness and confusion; these reactions are normal. Some children may appear confused or not seem affected by the death at all. They may express feelings of guilt, believing that they did or said something to cause the death. Some might seek out the person who has died, asking where they are or become anxious when separated.
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