Bereavement Information 39 South Eastern Sydney Local Health District when separated from primary caregivers and express fear that you or another family member might also die. Children may also develop fears that they themselves will become unwell and die. It is important to provide children with comfort and reassurance at these times. Talking about feelings when someone dies Listen and provide comfort, offer cuddles, and reassurance. Answer their questions honestly and validate their feelings and reactions. Sharing your own feelings of grief with your child or allowing your child to see your sadness or tears may help them to understand what might be happening for you, and your family. For example, ‘Sam you seem really angry that Grandpa died. I’m feeling angry too. I really loved him, and I don’t like it that he can’t be here with us anymore. I miss him all the time’. If your child knows that it is okay to talk about how they are feeling –and that you can cope with their feelings – they will be more likely to talk and seek support at times when they feel overwhelmed. For some children, using toys, books, music or drawing might help them to express or show their feelings. Should children visit someone dying / attend funerals? Children should be given a choice about whether they visit a dying relative in hospital or attend funerals. Funerals are important family rituals and can have therapeutic benefit, as they reinforce the reality of the death– which is often critical for a child. Funerals also provide opportunities for support. Rituals such as funerals and memorials validate grief and empower memories of the deceased. If a child hasn’t attended a funeral, they may need to know what to expect. Describe everything from how the room is laid out, to how the deceased may appear should there be an open casket. Most funeral directors will be willing to assist – taking the child to an empty room and showing them what a casket may look like. Offer options and choices. Children can attend part or all of the events. They may go up to the casket (if there is one) or not. Support, including answering the child’s questions, taking them for a walk if the child needs respite, or just offering a shoulder to cry may be provided by a parent of a close family friend.
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