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Keeping it
real
...
by Anna Nimmity
14 | iNarrabri Magazine | June 2016
Pet costume of the month!
y
o
ga
The spiritual trend Vs the fashion trend...
What will kill us first?
Me: Hi, I need some yoga pants; I’m a size 8.
Her: (Salesperson - young girl - incredibly vague):
Oh yah, cool! Here our sizes are different, you are
more like a 4…
Me: Ummm, nooooo, I think I’d like a bigger size?
Her: No trust me, I can like tell; you are like
totes a 4!
Me: Ok, well I will try them on (CHANGE
ROOM)… Can I have the size up please?
Her: Why? Are they tight?
Me: Yes, very tight, like I can’t breathe!
Her: No, that’s how they are meant to fit.
What do you mean you can’t breathe?
Me: Well, if I held you submerged in bathtub
full of water for ages and wouldn’t let you get
out kind of thing??...
Her: No, that is how they are meant to fit you
and they will loosen up.
Me: Why are they so hot?
Her: The fabric is actually like fully special;
it reacts to like the heat in your body.
Me: So if I am hot do they make me cooler or
hotter?
Her: Ummmmm, no one has ever asked. Does it
say it on the tag?
Me: Don’t worry I will just get them. I don’t know.
Her: Great! You will totes love them!
Me: Ok, thanks (proceeds to run out of store).
NOW: I have a pair of yoga pants that would
possibly fit a 5 year old, and when you get hot
they turn you into a human furnace! ...
NB: If anyone wants to buy them from me they
are $50 reduced from $189.95. Keep me posted!
Peace out!
Love Anna xo
H
O
T...
Dipping McDonalds chips into
a chocolate Sunday. Mmmmmm.
Drive through bottle shops: did
you know you don’t have to get
out of your car? I now go there in
my slippers… bliss!
Buffet dinners - you will save
cash but beware of the “finger
bandits”! For an extra $10 we all
know it’s worth it for our meal to
be handled professionally!
Speed dating - at least you have
a quick chance to escape... And
at a venue where there is CCTV
footage. Winning!
N
O
T...
Facial magnifying mirrors...
who needs to see that, really.
Lycra yoga outfits... it’s hot and
sweaty enough!
The gym... No wait - I didn’t go
in... but when I walked past, the
door swung open and I could feel
the amazing cool breeze. You are
on par with the cinema in regards
to temperature perfection! Well
done! If only you had a bar, I
would frequent you more often!
Second round wedding invites,
it’s no secret to anyone.
Random fact...
Pteronophobia is the fear of being
tickled by feathers!
If you are bored...
Go up to strangers and
compliment them on something
they are not wearing.
Quote of the month
“A dreamer is one who can only
find his way by moonlight, and
his punishment is that he sees the
dawn before the rest of the world”.
~ Oscar Wilde
Absolutely Fabulous!
Patsy: “It’s just bollocks discussing
the meaning of life, you’re better
off downing a bottle of whiskey.
At least that way, you’re
unconscious by the time you start
to take yourself seriously.”
Feature