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Interview by Craig Jollow
It’s not often a grown man gets the chance
to sit on another old man’s knee and talk
turkey but when the opportunity was
offered, I bagged it!
Okay Santa, I seem to have caught you
between Santa sittings. How is the body
holding out and especially the knees?
Ho! Ho! Ho! I know this is a very
demanding time of the year so I prepare
myself for it. The knees are brand new
following a double knee op in Sydney
earlier in the year. Plenty of padding on the
tummy so no bother there and my memory,
while fading, is helped by this little digital
recorder!
Now I know you are really one of Santa’s
helpers and the real deal is busy organising
gifts up at the North Pole so how does he
know what little Mary & Johnny really want
for Christmas?
You obviously don’t catch on real fast, I told
you I had a concealed digital recorder which
I use to record the orders and later send to
he who must be obeyed! We use to rely on
carrier pigeons in the day, but modern
technology catches up on everyone and
some of our feathered friends didn’t always
make it to the North Pole so confusion
would reign and thus Santa stuffed up!
Haven’t you ever heard a child say after
tearing the paper off a gift, ‘but I didn’t want
this’ and start bawling?
Well with all this modernism how does Santa
deliver gifts when very few homes have
chimneys these days?
Haven’t you ever heard of the ‘Magic of
Christmas’? There’s that- and while Rudolph
with his red nose lights the way, all the other
reindeers have powerful noses and can sniff
out the spare keys.
What about all that tucker and Christmas
cheer that’s left out? Surely he can’t consume
all that!
No! Santa isn’t a guts! He takes the food and
drink to those who need it. Not everyone
gets a bike, doll or phone for Christmas,
there are many out there who just need
a good feed. It’s all about balancing the
budget. Haven’t you heard the Treasurer
going on about economic rationalism?
Right- let’s not get into politics! I know that
December is a busy time for you with regular
appearances, hugging babies (sounds like a
politician), but how do you spend the rest of
your time?
Oh I’m out and about checking children’s
behaviour; who is going to school, doing
odd jobs around home, being polite and
well-mannered. You could say I’m ticking
all the boxes and sending off regular reports
on my trusty recorder and though kids
will make errors of judgement, Santa is a
very forgiving fellow... some might say too
forgiving!
Thanks Santa, for your honesty and while I
can see the next screaming child being
pacified by her mother and photographer,
could you let me know if Santa is a baked
beans or spaghetti man?
While I’m not sure but by the way that
sleigh darts through the sky on Christmas
Eve I’d say he was a baked beans man!
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Phone orders
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16 | iNarrabri Magazine | December 2016
Feature
Santa’s Helper
With Santa busy at the North Pole, we sent
out our roving reporter to interview one of
his many helpers, and found one willing to
talk at a kids’ Santa photo shoot...